Friday, July 17, 2009

el fin

720 days after first arriving in Honduras, I find myself packing my life into two bags and heading for home again.

To think of myself 720 days ago. I had no grasp of the Spanish language. I knew next to nothing about this country. I had no idea if La Orquidea was a real school, or some strange cult I got myself into. I certainly had no idea that the Rio Cangrejal existed or that I would spend half of my time in Honduras on its banks.

Leaving kills me a little bit. I know that it is time to go, but I know that I am leaving something for good. My relationship with this place will change dramatically once I am gone; my life moving in a different direction whist jungle life remains pretty much the same. I was born with opportunity and it would be ridiculous not to take advantage of those opportunities. What I am going to do when I get home is not certain. I can't say if I will stay in the US, or travel some more after a time, or hunker down right there in Portland, OR. I will go through a million ideas with fresh excitement each time and only a few plans will actually pan out. I know myself.

Entonces, An adios. Jungle River Lodge, La Ceiba, Banana Republic Guest House, El Naranjo, all provided a home to me. A place to set my things and rest my bones. Andrea. Without you I would have been lost and lonely. Mi hermana de la jungle, for sure. Only we know. Famila Saravia. Took me in like one of their own. Tania, Franklin, Dania, Pedro, Jose Angel. Taught me to look at life from the other side. Love and forgiveness. Darwin. Unconditionally and always. Tocasteme alma.

Part of living abroad is being flexible everyday. I wanted to stay here for a long time.....and it didn't work out. I have to be okay with that and not force something that can't be. Instead, I need to rethink what I want to do. If I want to continue in this path of grassroots development I can.....I just will need to dedicate myself in a different way. I have meet many people here in Honduras that want to do similar things as me. Perhaps in the future we will be able to combine out ideas and efforts and make something happen, for real.

I have fulfilled a couple of childhood dreams by being here on the Rio Cangrejal.
I have lived in the jungle.
I have learned a new and widely spoken language.

I also fulfilled dreams I didn't even know I had until I started living them.
White water rafting
Scuba Diving

I am sad that certain things ended rather than flourished. Asi es la vina.
E.B.M.A. de el naranjo.

Well enough with the goodbyes. I have to get going. Hopefully there will be no roadblocks today and I can get to the airport without any hitches. As soon as I get out of this country it will be smooooth sailing to portland!


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